Have you been cheated on, especially by a marriage partner? There is a wide contrast between one who loves you and one who is faithful to you. It is possible that your partner loves you and is faithful to you. It is the lack of this faithfulness, not the lack of love, that may drive your partner to cheat. This I believe is the prime answer to the question above.

For the second time a lady is begging her man to get her back. The man forgives her.  Forgive what? There are things a partner can forgive, and things a partner must get. The lady did no wrong. But she was being inadequate. Inadequacy in this case is a biased judgement of the man, but it remains inadequace and a reason why the man is striking out. We have a relationship now that has so many apologies than improvement. Yet improvements, not sorries are all what the man wants. In some other relationships the lady may feel that her man is in adequate and she tries to walk out and she is brought back with sorries and explanations.

It soon gets to a point where a partner do no complain about anything or try to walk out of any relationship. Some started their relationships at this point. Zero, complains, more inadequacies and more pain. Even when given a chance to say their issues to partner they never did. Cheating becomes the only way through which a partner hopes to get things s/he cannot get from the one s/he is in love with. Chances are hopes will never be the actual thing, that is adequacy. But those hopes would have achieved one thing toxic to relationship, that is cheating.

We are quite content that marriage seals an avenues that leads to the cheating street. Where we should have improved we get worse once we are married. We create cheaters out of our partners. What is a cheater? We can’t keep this definition in one sentence, so we can give it a list:

• A cheater is an individual who is in a relationship and is responsibly, legally or illegally so and must be faithful on one partner (such partner is referred to as the ‘cheated on’ therein) .
• S/he is one who cannot break past apologies and tricks by the would be cheated on.
• Or, specifically, who can’t walk out of the relationship or marriage s/he is in responsibly after communicating of his walking out to the would be cheated on. To him failure to walk out  happens at a time s/he yearns to walk out and is alive to the indadquacies his/her partner has.
• S/he is respectful, and this respectfulness is the reason why s/he does not tell to the cheated on his/her inadequacies he finds on the cheated on. It is purely lack of respect to tell a partner (or the cheated on) that, ‘your kiss is as cold as a lake.’ But it being cold as a lake is an inadequace the drives the cheater into cheating.

It is hard to convince someone to get to build a relationship with you, and building a bond. It is lack of respect for him/her to now say it’s over. A cheater, just like all of us, have feelings. Feelings do not tell you what to tell they show you what to do. A cheater becomes a cheater, instead of one who complains the inadequacies.

There are so many calculations going on in a human head even on small things relating to love. True love is thanks to the work done by both sides to keep calculations minimal and positive and working for the relationship. When you can’t defeat calculations over the love you give to a partner through what you do and what you are you either create an unhappy partner or a cheating partner. Some partners are both unhappy and cheating artners.

When a human faces a situation he calculates. From a simple situations like a wife fasting over the weekends, praying and abstinating, to complex ones that involves suspicions, the would be cheater peg his/her response. It can happen that you date someone for a certain character, and that character became the mainstay of your premarital relationship. That character, a positive feature, positions itself as the main course in your marriage teaching you that too much of something can be boring.

In one of the rare cases a woman dragged his husband to the court. The reason was “he cooks too much”. Of course, she didn’t cheat. But there is certainly some “fed up” too much of a ‘positive feature’ can do to some of us. The feature, once a reason you dated someone for, becomes a bug, ruining a marriage.

In a story I write in my mother tongue, a young man dates a girl because she is religious. Only to be bored by a series of fasting and abstinence she then pulls after their marriage. That becomes a reason they have to go for three years without a kid. First, the wife fasts from Friday to Monday just after honeymoon together with her husband. During the midweek the husband, a young businessman, is busy out at work. He returns the next weekend only to find the fasting on. He is clear in upcoming week but would rather go out and sleep in the lodges hoping that he would come back after his wife had paused the weekend fasting.

By the time the wife decides to halt the fasting three months had passed without any activity in the bedroom. The husband certainly chooses not to activate cheating buttons for the next three years. The extended family is heavily involved heating up the inactivity into activity but without success.

When you put husband and wife into a love therapy, the real “fed up” truth won’t come out. Each individual may point to issues surrounding the actual issue. The husband says, “I can can cheat when what is getting me fed up can’t be solved at all, or when I don’t have patience to wait and get it solved. Then there are times when solvables are already solved, only too late to revive my former feelings for my wife.”

Already there are two things harder to do that are not the relationship itself but are important. It is harder to start a new relationship,  and very hard to terminate one. Once you get married properties, investments and the family you both have are part of the bundle you are in. That bundle is inescapable. So others would rather claim their independence by cheating.

On a conclusive note, this article does not promote cheating. But it certainly provide you with some information you may need to keep partner happy entirely.