Very often. I would say it depends on who is interfering with my goals. There are three types of “nos” I have lined up for different occasions, people and things interfering with my goals.  The first “no” is on the extreme right, because it is silent “no” and it plays a game “yes”. Below is an example of where I deployed it.

In 2023, I moved to my paternal uncle’s house. He had volunteered to help me get out of my crisis. He insisted that I should start a degree programme at the university. My position was if he was to help, half of what was worth my semester’s expenses and tuition was enough help. I was trying to push my blog forward. My monthly goal of 50 or more articles per month was going to be muted by the College.

If you have been following my blog, the article “How did I become a blogger?” is quite telling about my passion. In the past, I also dropped out of College blaming the education system for manipulating us intentionally into beings whose purpose is to find a job and be salaried. My opinion is finding your dream job is harder than coming up with your own business.

I had to tell my uncle that I preferred not to go to College because my own goals and my mission were at stake. I told him of my plans and he couldn’t find sense in them. When I learned that he was not going to hear my side I simply acted as if I was willing to comply with his plan. I was not going to make some people smile, including myself, while I suffered doing things that were not attached to my passion or purpose.

When one can’t take a no for an answer, I tell him what he wishes to hear. In this case, I may start with a firm no. When maintaining it proves to be a battle that I can’t win through my power, I go for a silent no. The silent no means that I am no longer communicating about it. I conceal my position and act as if I am saying yes to the one interfering with my goals.

The second “no” I give, is a moderate “no”. This goes to a relationship I unilaterally pulled out of and disappeared without saying it’s over. Although a moderate no may be painful to me and the other party to which I am directing it, it proved to be an easier choice for me in some instances. It chiselled off some friends who skyrocketed my expenditure in their presence. It helped me to fend off some addicting activities that were done in the presence of a group like video gaming.

The third “no” is the extreme and pure “no”. It is said without fear and hesitation. While the other two “no’s” above are merely influencing things in a bid to get what you want and get your goals addressed, a pure “no” is a pure display of power. You need to give it the right environment, the earliest possible, like financial freedom, knowing your rights and privileges, etc.

A pure “no” might not give you what you want, but if you are ready to work the extra mile for what you want it is the only no without regrets. You will not regret having married a lover who was not in your heart because a pure no rarely lets you get married to people you never loved. It is your only preventative power. But to have this power you have to work when others are asleep. You have to break through your cultural, financial and physical barriers.